The Slade Show
by the lone psychopath
Summary: exactly what happens when everyone's favorite villain gets his own talk show. muhahahaha! CONTAINS INSANITY!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Every villain deserves their own talk show, including Slade. So Slade, here ya go!

Disclaimer: Do these things even have a point? Who's gonna sue me? I'm not making any money off of this…

The set is red and black, medieval torture devices are in random places and so is all of his heavy machinery. Then Slade said to the audience "Hello and welcome to…"

"The Slade Show!" the audience said and cheered. Then Slade spoke,

"Today's topic is, why won't the Teen Titans just shutup and die! They're ungrateful little demons too; I offered Robin the chance of a lifetime, to be my apprentice and he did everything in his power to leave." The audience gasped, "Then my next apprentice was great, except for the fact that she was unable to destroy the teen titans, pushed me into a volcano, and is now a rock. I'm currently holding interviews for anyone who wants to be my next apprentice-"

"Why didn't you kill all of the titans when you had the chance?" a random audience member asked. Slade then used the dark side of the force to choke him Darth Vader style,

"Are there anymore questions?" Slade asked. The only response was the chirping of a cricket. The cricket was then stepped on by Slade, "Now it's time for today's victim err... guest Beast Boy," he said as the audience clapped and two security guards brought him on to the set

"I'll never tell you anything!" B.B said as he tried to break free.

"Fine if you don't want to be on TV, imbecile."

"I'm on TV! This is awesome!"

Slade rolled his eyes, "as we all know you're very 'special', tell us about your genes."

"They're blue?"

"That's it. Get this moron off of my set."

"What'd I do?"

"To be on my show you must maintain an IQ of at least 50! OFF OF MY SET! And take your empty skull with you." The security guards took Beast Boy away. Then Slade told a security guard, "Kill whoever decided to make him our guest."

"Um… you did sir," the security guard told him, "to learn about his DNA and his ability to morph, so you could disable it." Slade once again used the dark side of the force to choke someone,

"No idiots allowed on my set."

"Then why are you on the stage?" a random audience member asked and was then killed.

"As I previously mentioned, no idiots on my set. Now it's time for our musical guest, those two Japanese chicks who sing the theme song, whose names shall not be mentioned to prevent fanfic admin from taking this show off the air!" They were now on the stage and began to play.

"_When there's trouble you know who to call. Teen Titans! From their tower they can see it all. Teen Titans!-_" they sang, then Slade cut them off.

"Ladies, you have ten seconds to redeem yourselves. One, two, ten!" Then Slade stuck out both hands and chocked both of them with the dark side of the force, "in the future if you wish to perform on my show, DO NOT SING SONGS THAT GLORIFY THOSE LITTLE BRATS! Epically Robin, I think he has a thing for me or something. That's all the time we have for today. NOW GET YOUR LAZY ARSES OUTTA MY STUDIO!"

A/N: Next chappie Slade has interviews for his next apprentice and Robin presses certain "charges". And I know Slade can't manipulate the dark side but the dark side is awesome!


	2. the interviews!

A/N: Those of you who reviews rock cuz reviews fuel my hyper! So review dang it! Flames don't make me feel bad all they do is fuel my urge to add violence into the fic!

Coshi: Thankie! Updating now!

PMV: Thanks for the idea! I will do a springer type episode in the future!

PsychoMindGames: Thankie! Believe me this will go extremely insane!

Phoenix Skybone: Well what else could I have him do to the cricket? MUHAHAHA! …poor cricket

basketcase101: wow, thanks. It's seriously (GAH SERIOUS ISH BAD WORD) it's really funnier than Cyborg's song? wow. BTW comedy is all I know how to write, when I used to write stuff for LotR I made several attempts to write tragedies, all turned into sick and twisted comedies.

A/N: Now back to the Slade show!

"Hello and welcome to this week's episode of…" Slade said, then the audience answered,

"THE SLADE SHOW!"

"Today I'll be holding interviews for my next apprentice, first up is," he looked at his card, "Jynx." Jynx walked on to the set, "Why do you want to be my apprentice?"

"You kick ass!"

"Yes I do, what's your favorite color?"

"Pink," Slade gave her the evil eye, "I mean blood red."

"Have you ever killed someone?"

"Yes."

"First degree?"

"Not yet."

"Would you?"

"Hell yes!"

"Is your IQ over 50?"

"I'm still on this set, aren't I?"

"Is it not correct that you and your pathetic friends failed to defeat the titans?"

"Those idiots screwed me up-"

"Too late!" Slade pushed a big red button, and Jynx's chair fell through the trap door along with Jynx. The security guards brought out a new chair. "Next I'll be interviewing Merry and Pippin." Merry and Pippin from LotR walk onto the set.

"Yo WAZ UP SLADE!" Merry said.

"Where's the free food!" Pippin said, "They said we'd get free refreshments! I need to be refreshed!"

"Take your seats," Slade said, "Why do you want to be my apprentices?"

"Cuz your cool!" Pippin said, "you have the whole Darth Vader thing goin with the mask and chicks DIG DARTH VADER!" Slade rolled his eyes. Merry gave the same answer.

"Have you ever killed anyone?"

"YEAH!" Merry and Pippin both said.

"I killed MAD ORCS! More than Legolas! Cuz I'm so sexy!" Pippin said.

"Well I killed the Witch King so I'm WAY sexier than you!" Merry said,

"No you didn't Eowyn did!"

"I stabbed him in the back, she just helped him die-"

"The Witch King was a very good friend of mine. What exactly did you do to him?"

"I whooped his arse!" Merry said. Slade pushed the button but Merry and Pippin jumped out of their chairs before they could fall in the pit of doom. Then they high-fived.

"Oh yah! We ROX!" Merry and Pip said as they started to do a victory dance. Slade would have killed them by now but Merry and Pippin are the coolest and therefore cannot die, "Oh yah! It's ma birthday! It's ma birthday!"

"You really think so?" Slade said, then he pushed another button that opened a trap door under them. They fell through the floor into the room Jynx was in, "You must maintain an IQ higher than that of a toaster to stay on my show! Everyone got that!" the audience nervously nodded, "good. Our next guest will be Raven Roth." Some security guards were dragging Raven onto the set.

"What do you want with me now?" Raven said, "Tell me how long this crap is gonna take and when I can leave."

"Raven I've selected you to be my next apprentice. Do you accept?"

"Sure," she said sarcastically. Slade was in shock for about two seconds,

"Well of course you'd want to, many young women find me sexy."

"Yeah then I can stab you to death in your sleep," she said under her breath. Then Robin came in with the cops.

"There he is!" Robin said as he pointed to Slade, "That's the man who molested me! And now he's trying to molest Raven!"

"What the name of llamas are you talking about?" Slade said, then the cops immediately handcuffed him.

"Guys like you make me sick," a cop said with disgust, "you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be held against you're sorry sad arse in the court of law and if you cannot afford a lawyer the worst lawyer on the whole dang earth will be provided for you!" They took Slade away in a cop car. Then Merry, Pippin and Jynx jumped out of the trap door, and walked onto the set totally ignoring Raven, the cops and Robin.

"Hello and welcome to," Pippin said, "THE MUSHROOM SHOW!"

"Today we'll be picking Middle-Earth's favorite mushroom!" Merry said. Jynx brought out some mushrooms.

"The nominees are, drum roll please!" there was a drum roll, "the shiitake mushroom, the blue oyster mushroom and lastly the mushrooms we stole from Farmer Maggot!" The audience cheered.

"And the winner is," Jynx said, "all of the mushrooms? Wtf?"

"That's right!" Merry said, "and their prize is,"

"WE GET TO EAT THEM ALL!" Merry and Pip said together, then they began eating all of the mushrooms. Then Slade broke free from his handcuffs and began to yell at the hobbits,

"Get OFF OF MY SET!" Slade said, then began to chase Merry and Pippin while running away from the cops.

A/N: Fear not! The show isn't over yet! Many more chapters to come! Now review or I shall somehow inflict physical harm on you!


	3. Raven takes over

A/N: Apparently someone added this fic to a C2 group called 'Teen Titan Lover' for romance fics. If there is one thing I hate it's a shipper fic. This is in no way a romance fic, it was put there by mistake or you just hate my guts. Well whoever did this, TAKE MY STORY OUT OF THAT SHIPPER COLLECTION! The only pairing that actually makes sense is Robin/Starfire and even those make me vomit.

Judge Titan: I'm actually working on a fic for Slade's court case… Muhahaha!

kire: thanks! me is making more

slyfan123: thanks, I'll finish it when… it gets finished…

Kissa123: next chapter up now!

Megzwillrule4evr: wow… thanks…

chitoryu12: thankie!

worthlessdeath: arse is one of my favorite words! And it's a great way to avoid cursing; at least that's what I think…

Tenshi No Koori: Thankie!

Window Girl: Merry and Pippin are the coolest and always will be!

Saint H: I tried making this chapter longer but, it wasn't really working for me.

jejuneepitaph: I said they were from LotR in the beginning…

Slade 2.0: Flames don't make me violent, they make me write violence into the story…. muhahaha

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The set has changed, it is now black and dark shades of blue. The heavy machinery has been replaced with more torture devices and all of the lights are gone, they have been replaced with torches and candles. Then Raven said, "Hello, this is the-"

"Raven show!" the audience said and cheered. Raven glared at them.

"Do that again and I'll drop a bus on you." The audience was now completely silent.

"Slade is unavailable for today's show. Robin just pressed child molestation charges on him. He's being held without bail, so I'll be doing this until he comes back or it begins to piss me off. Anyway today's guest is," she looked at an index card, "you have got to be kidding me. Terra?"

"SHE'S ALIVE!" B.B said from the audience. Raven glared at him.

"I thought idiots weren't allowed on this set." She remarked.

"What are you gonna interview the statue?" The statue of Terra is then brought in

"Terra I love you!" B.B said as he jumped out of his seat and hugged the statue of Terra, "I forgive you!"

"Beast Boy, you are aware you're in love with a rock?"

"You were in love with a book!"

"My book talked, your slab of rock doesn't."

"Well my statue isn't pure evil like your stupid book!"

"Your statue stabbed us in the back, big time."

"So did your book! Not to mention him being 500 million years older than you." Starfire got out of her seat and went on to the stage and said,

"Friends, please stop the fighting. Will you not try giving the peace a chance? Robin would not approve of this fighting! Think of Silky! Both of you are to partake in the exchanging of apologies" Raven and Beast Boy both said "I'm sorry." Then B.B took his seat in the audience.

"Glorious!" Starfire said, "All is well again! Let us speak with our guest!" then she looked at Terra and asked, "What is it like to be a rock?"

No response.

"It seems most interesting. Many people have wondered if you have need to excrete liquid wastes while in your rock formation to maintain homeostasis-" Raven cut her off,

"Enough Starfire, I have actual questions I need to ask before bringing her back to life."

"You will bring back Friend Terra! Magnificent!"

"Beast Boy and Terra will be making several promises before I bring her back," Raven said, "Terra, we will automatically take your failure to respond as a "Yes." If you lie I'm turning you back into stone understand?"

No response.

"Good."

"How come you didn't change her back before!" B.B said. Raven glared at him.

"I didn't feel like it, and it was the wrong time of the year. Terra will you look upon me as your superior?"

No response.

"Good. Will you feel so guilty everyday for back-stabbing us that you want to kill yourself, but don't so you can suffer?"

No response.

"Correct response. Will you pay me twenty bucks a month?"

No response.

"You're doing great-"

"You can't do this!" B.B yelled from the audience

"Would you rather I put a permanent hex on her?" there was a brief moment of silence, "lastly Terra do you swear on your life and the life of this very Earth that you will refuse to partake in any nauseating, pointless, show-killing romance with Beast Boy or any other character on the show?"

No response. The audience began to cheer like crazy.

"That isn't fair! She doesn't even know what she's promising you!"

"She will when I bring her back and threaten her," She walked to where B.B's seat was and said, "Beast Boy, do you promise to contain your overactive hormones around Terra and never partake in any nauseating, pointless, show-killing romance with her or any other character on the show?"

"I promise" Beast Boy sadly said, the audience cheered some more.

"Even though this may seem unfair to you now, it's not. Beast Boy, I never thought it possible but there are fans of the show who think you're funny. When you're in love those few people no longer find you funny. Romance is bad for everyone, which is why I refuse to partake in it, if you forget about the book thing."

"Oh really?" B.B held up some comics, "let's take a look at all of Raven's boyfriends, The Kid Flash, Slade's son, Brother Blood" he reads a page, "talk about a pimpet!"

Raven got a little red at this, "I had to manipulate Kid Flash so I wouldn't die, Jericho hit on me, Brother Blood was a lot younger, worshiped my father in a cult, tried to marry me, wanted me to have his baby, fellow Titans and some enemies killed my wedding. End of story. No senseless romance on my show. Only in Starfire land. We're out of time. Go home" then she said to security, "you better burn all of those comic book pictures of us by tomorrow… and now a word from our break!...

Killer Moth: "Were you recently arrested?"

Slade: "Yes!"

Killer Moth: "Do you need a lawyer? Or several thousand mutant moths to eat the city?"

Slade: "Yes!"

Killer Moth: "Then call 1-800-KILLER-MOTH, our lawyers will help you! Unless you've been charged with something sick like child molestation…"

Slade: ((begins cursing in every language known to man and several known to monkeys))

A/N: I have seen what they look like in the comics… I have been mortified… look on google if you dare, you have been warned. ((shivers at sight of the comic book Starfire, by far the scariest…))


	4. mmmm peeps

A/N: Alrighty then, this non-lovey, romantic, mushy, shipper story is still in that C2 group for romance stories… considering you didn't take it out it was probably **not** a mistake and you just hate my guts! If it must be this way I hate yours with the intensity of the fire of 1000 suns!

Props to…. kyo-kitty, LostChickenWednesday723, Kissa123, random reader, birdtears, sillymail, moo and Factious Fay! To Will-the-Titan sorry to disappoint you but hey, nobodies forcing you to read this.

"Hello and welcome back to," Raven paused wanting to drop a bus on them.

"The Raven show!" The audience said and cheered (this audience is not very smart) a bus was immediately dropped on them

"I told you not to do that again," she said, "Slade is currently being held without bail, and he sent us a note," she began to read from the paper, '_stop ruining my show you worthless mortal_, _I'm going to tear off your limbs and kill you all, after that I'll-_' alright, no one cares." Raven crumpled up the paper into a ball and threw it behind her back, "Junk mail. Anyway, with a little help from Starfire, I'll be turning this slab of rock into a real girl today."

"Greetings everyone!" Starfire said as she walked on to the stage.

Raven opened a really old big book that's written in Gaelic or some other extremely old cool language, "I am a trained professional do not try this at home. Starfire, bring in the ingredients." Starfire brought in an iron gothic looking shopping cart.

Raven looked at the book, "This spell needs the planets to be in a special alignment. If anyone causes me to screw up I won't be able to try again for another ten years."

"Your silence is kindly requested." Starfire said.

"Lay the rock on mallow roots after preparing them properly. That means marshmallow Star"

Starfire held up a box of peeps and smiled "Look the marshmallows are made to look like colorful bunnies!' Raven narrowed her eyes,

"she had to get those… make a bed for her out of them." Raven said, then Starfire opened about 300 boxes of peeps and lined them all up "Now, heat up the marshmallows so they blow up and then shrink back down."

"BOO-YAH!" Cyborg said and then blasted them, "man do peeps taste great after you put 'em in the microwave."

"May I ingest upon the peeps that have put in the device of micro waving?" Starfire asked.

"Sure! We got plenty!"

"Enough," Raven said, "Starfire quickly pour three jugs of sea water on her, two pots of coffee, then the smelling salts and when you're done spray her with the fire extinguisher, then hit her over the head with it." Starfire did this within a split second as Raven screamed out some spell.

Slowly the stone began to get replaced with flesh and then Terra woke up, "What the?" she said and sat up, "Where am I? And why am I covered in peeps?"

"Raven's program of the television!" Starfire said, "Friend Terra we have brought you back from the world of stone to our world again!" then she hugged Terra so tight it cut off her circulation.

"Can't breathe!"

"YOU BROUGHT HER BACK!" B.B said as he jumped out of his seat.

"Beast Boy," Raven said, "our agreement."

"Oh yeah…" he took his seat.

"Terra, you'll automatically turn into stone again if you break any of the promises you made during our last show" a clip of the last show was played.

"But why?" Terra asked.

"Crappy romance is bad for your brain," Raven said, "It ruins comedy. End of story. No romance on my show as I said before, only in Starfire land." Starfire giggled a little.

"I thought you didn't like comedy?" Terra said.

"Depends on you definition of comedy," Raven said, looked at a guillotine and cracked a small smile, "Now it's time for some advertisements."

…………………………………commercial break!...

Beast Boy (walking into the main room) "Good afternoon Lady Raven, I pray the day finds you well. Would you fancy playing a game of chess or something else that has to do with intellect?"

Raven (raises an eyebrow) "Who are you and what have you done with Beast Boy?"

Beast Boy "Or perhaps Lord Cyborg could educate me on mechanics and other things the simpler among us would fail to comprehend."

Cyborg "B, this is exactly why you're not supposed to take drugs!"

Beast Boy "Why would I do drugs? I have wonderful algebra problems to do all day long!"

Everyone's eyes widened and mouth dropped open.

Robin "Not acting like yourself. Another amazing side effect of hunger, don't get hungry grab a Snickers!" (holds up candy bar)

"That's it for today," Raven said, "Now get the heck outta my studio."


	5. Starfire's Program of the TV

A/N: Sorry for the veeeeeeeeeeeeery long update… me was working on other stories and other crap… the next chapter will be up sometime next week I promise you!

**Props go to:** kyo-kitty, star wars rocks, TheSkeet, Megzwillrule4evr, Napolean Dynamite clone, Alsoknownas, worthlessdeath, Quote4, sillymail, moo, jejuneepitaph and Saint H

And to everyone who agrees with me about romance killing comedy: YOU KICK ARSE!

The set has changed yet again, now it is very scary shades of pink and purple, the medieval torture devices have been replaced with stuffed animals and pictures from Disney movies. Then Starfire said to the audience,

"Hello! And welcome to-"

"Starfire's program of the television!"

"Raven did not show up today and a piece of paper with her handwriting inscribed upon was found saying, _'There are too many idiots here for me to deal with, they're poisoning my mind._' So now I shall be place taking for her!" the audience cheered, "everyone in the audience shall receive a free package of the processed mallow root that has been made to look like little bunnies!" the audience cheered again, "but first we shall have an interview with the creator of Silky, Killer Moth."

Some security guards brought Killer Moth onto the stage. "Welcome to Starfire's program of the television," Starfire said, "you are the creator of silky correct?"

"Yes," he responded, "I am. They promised free refreshments, where are they?"

"HE NEEDS TO BE REFRESHED!" Pippin yelled from the audience, "and so do I!"

"The refreshments shall follow the interview!" Starfire said, "What inspired you to create Silky?"

"World domination."

"Fascinating," Starfire said, "If it happened to be the fifth of June, the brightness of the sun was happily penetrating the earth and there was a great abundance of the water's melon would you give Silky a pickle?"

"Why would I do that? Larva M319 eats its own kind, after they explode of course, they also eat buildings and other miscellaneous objects…"

"Correct! How many siblings does Silky have?"

"At least 10,000."

"Yes, you said that you created Silky for world domination. Is that so that he and his many siblings may keep you company?"

"No, it's so they can eat the city, people, world whatever. I don't need them after that."

"Did you not think of their feelings?"

"They have no feelings."

"YOU ARE MOST HORRIBLE!" Starfire screamed then she shot starbolts at him from her eyes and hands at the same time, "SILKY REQUIRES LOVE AND CARING!" some security guards took Killer Moth off the stage, "There shall be no disliking of Silky on Starfire's Program of the Television!" she took a minute to calm down, "As the peeps are given to the audience, please watch the following advertisements."

………………………………………………………..COMMERCIAL BREAK!...

(This is takes place when Robin was Slade's apprentice)

Slade "Robin, you and I are very alike."

Robin "STOP SAYING THAT!"

Slade "But considering you hate it here and hate me, I do have some good news."

Robin "You're letting me go!"

Slade "No you fool! I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"

Robin "Then what was the point of saying 'considering you hate it here and hate me'?"

Slade "To get your hopes up and then send them plummeting to the ground!" (bursts out laughing at Robin)

……………………………………………………………………………………………

iPod Commercial!

An all black figure of B.B is on a bright green background wearing an iPod shuffle, doing the moon walk to Billy Jean by Michael Jackson.

An all black figure of Starfire is on a bright orange background holding a pink iPod mini, dancing to Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

An all black figure of Robin is on a red background wearing an iPod shuffle, dancing to 1985 by Bowling for Soup

An all black figure of Cyborg is on a light blue background holding an iPod, dancing to Can't Touch This by M.C Hammar.

An all black figure of Raven is on a purple background, meditating, an iPod is on her belt and she's listening to Silver and Cold by AFI. After a few seconds the lights go on, (the computer effects are gone) and the director walks on to the stage.

"Raven!" he said, "You're supposed to be dancing!"

"I don't dance." Raven said.

"Dance or you're out of the commercial!" Then Raven stopped levitating, took the ear phones out, dropped the iPod on the floor and walked away.

The Screen Flashes: "Get your iPod today! Sponsored by the Teen Titans!" Raven walks up to the screen and writes underneath it with a sharpie "except for Raven"

……………………………………………………………………………….

"Please tune in next time for another episode of Starfire's Program of the Television!" Starfire happily said as the credits began to play.

A/N: Review and gimmie ideas of more stuff to advertise! And to whoever put me in that C2 group for stupid romance fics, **DRINK UP EISEL THOU INFECTIOUS DREAD-BOLTED HARPY!**


	6. knifing waste of animation funds

A/N: See I said I'd put the chappie up this week and I did! Anyone who is interested on Slade's verdict, check out my new fanfic "Slade on Trial" it'll be five or six chapters; (I actually have all of the chapters written (unlike this story) so there will be no long updates!)

**Proppies go to! **-- sillymail, basketcase101, Terra, worthlessdeath, kyo-kitty, TheSkeet, WeaselChick, moo, blackcat49, Sarah, Certified Teen Titan, disappearer/Syani, NumbuhZero, switchfoot13 and Megzwillrule4evr! YOU ALL KICK ARSE!

(all commercial suggestions will be used in the future)

Terra - Thanks for the violence suggestion! Time for a daytime talk show rip off! Muhahahaha!

disappearer/Syani - Yes me is weird! Me name is the lone psychopath and I have a shirt that says "Got Haggis?" on it…it's one kick arse t-shirt! As for romance, I am one of those people who tends to yell out "GET A ROOM!" people kissing isn't funny, it's boring and nauseating at the same time.

**(If you gave me a commercial suggestion, I'm gonna try to use everyone's sometime in the future.) **

"Hello and welcome to-" Starfire began

"Starfire's Program of the Television!" the audience said and cheered.

"Today we are going to help out three individuals with a problem they have. Please give a warm welcome to Raven, Beast Boy and Terra."

Raven flies onto the stage and takes a seat followed by B.B and Terra who are holding hands.

"Raven does not like that Beast Boy and Terra display romantic feelings for one another. Terra suspects jealousy. Raven, are you jealous of them?"

"No. I view Beast Boy as an irritating little brother. I view Terra as a deceiving, knifing, betraying, backstabbing waste of animation funds, serving more as a liability than an asset to the teen titans and cartoon network. However I view Terra in her rock formation as a wonderful lawn ornament and a perfect way to conserve animation funds."

"Can you tell us that in English?" B.B asked with question marks surrounding his head.

"No."

"She's not jealous," Cyborg said from the audience to B.B, "she thinks you're annoying and just doesn't like Terra."

"Fine," Terra said, "I don't like you!"

"I didn't like you first, almost as much as watching others participate in romance."

"Why is that?" Starfire asked her.

"I had a bad experience, and it ruins comedy."

"Could you tell us about your bad experience?"

"I had a bad experience."

"You will feel better if you share."

"I **had** a **bad** **experience**." Raven was a little ticked off now.

"Please share."

"I told you I had a bad experience!"

"A possessed book broke her heart." B.B said.

"That is most tragic; would you like a disposable handkerchief?'

"What the heck?" Raven asked, "Is this Dr. Phil or something?"

"No, this is Starfire's Program of the Television." She took out a rubber ducky and handed it to Raven, "show us where he touched you."

Raven simply dropped the duck on the floor, "This show is idiotic, it serves no purpose."

………………………………commercial break………………commercial break………...

Robin: "Crime fighting sure makes you hungry."

Cyborg: "You know what hit's the spot?"

Starfire: "What?"

Cyborg: "MEAT! And I got lots of it!"

Beast Boy: (jumps Cyborg) "and that's why you should join PETA! People for Ethical Treatment of Animals! Eating animals is not ethical!"

Robin: (jumps Beast Boy) my hair gel is not PETA approved! Don't join PETA so I can keep my hair.

Starfire: (jumps Robin) your hair gel is most horrible as it harmed many little puppies! Do not listen to them, buy lots of mustard! No animals were harmed in its wonderful making! (holds up a jar of mustard and smiles)

Merry and Pippin: (pop up behind her) MUSTARD!

Raven: (looks over at the pile of teen titans) pathetic, truly pathetic.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Raven," Starfire began, "you said you enjoyed Terra as a rock, why did you change her back?"

"She promised me a monthly stipend of twenty dollars." She answered.

"Raven!" B.B said, "Why can't you talk in English!"

"The same reason perfectly healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front counter of a drug store, but sick people have to walk all the way to the back to get their prescriptions."

"Woah… I've never thought about that. Weird."

"Just like Raven." Terra said, "Freak."

"Knave." Raven responded.

"Loser."

"At least I'm not a lawn ornament."

"Better than being a suicidal goth!" then she started to pretend to be Raven, "_Wah! My daddy is evil and doesn't love me! Wah! Slade is stalking me and my daddy's always trying to corrupt me! My life sucks!" _she went back to being herself, "you're not the only one with problems you know!"

_Everybody Hurts by R.E.M starts playing_

"Oh no you don't!" Raven flew out of her seat, black power formed around her fists, "Only I can make fun of _my_ father. And don't you dare compare your life to mine!"

"I believe I just did."

"Terra…" B.B nervously said, "that was kinda harsh… Raven is my friend…"

"I'm gonna kick you're arse, right here right now." Raven (the evil four red eyes Raven) said to Terra.

"Fine! You asked for it!" Terra said, jumped out of her seat and brought up some rocks from under the studio building.

_Everybody Hurts by R.E.M is still playing_.

"Friends!" Starfire said, "This may be calmly discussed! There is no need to inflict physical harm upon one another!" Starfire was to late Raven and Terra had already begun hurling various objects at each other with their telekinesis. The audience began to cheer them on even though they were getting hit with the cross fire. "Well I guess that is all for this week, join us next time on Starfire's Program of the Television!"

A/N: That's all for now. To whoever put me in the evil C2 romance-mushy-yucky-lovey group. I shall have to insult thee until thou takest me out of that evil C2 group!

**SIT THEE ON A SPIT THOU PUNY TARDY GAITED JOLTHEAD!**

**WIPE THY UGLY FACE THOU YEASTY ILL-NURTURED FLAX-WENCH!**

**SWIM WITH LEECHES THOU PUKING GUTS-GRIPING BARNACLE!**


	7. video game reviews with bb and cy!

A/N: Sorry once again for the kinda long update. But I made this chappie longer for you! I puts da props at the bottom!

When Terra and Raven beat each other up they completely maimed the set, being the cheap producer that I am I gave them no money to repair damages. Starfire didn't want a messed up set, there are only two idiots in all of Jump City who'd want a TV set with no audience…

"Hello and welcome to…" Beast Boy started.

"Video game reviews with B.B and Cy! BOO YAH!" Cyborg said.

"Where we look at awesome games from the past and the present!"

"But first we're gonna show you the rest of last week's cat fight!"

"There's nothing hotter than two angry chicks!"

"Yes there is!"

"What?"

"Two angry chicks with super-powers! Play the clip!"

"Talk about some serious P.M.S! But first some commercials cuz we gotta get money for the damages…"

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

A bunch of Slade's robots and other random monsters are chasing the titans when Beast Boy pulls out a credit card.

B.B: "You can't get us cuz I have a Capital One no hassle card!"

Bad guys: "Awww…"

Slade bot#3278: "Hey wait a minute, minors can't have credit cards! And how can a stupid piece of plastic stop us from hurting you?"

B.B: "Crap." (Gets trampled by bad guys)

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Trigon: "Do you hate the world?"

Slade: "Yes."

Trigon: "Would you like to blow it all up?"

Slade: "That would be somewhat amusing."

Trigon: "Then buy Trigon's evil blow up the world remote!" (very fast) "There is only one in existence and it belongs to me and you can't have it haha you suck."

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

"And now for the fight!" B.B pressed a big red button a screen came down and started showing the fight.

_Everybody Hurts by R.E.M is playing_

Terra hurled a huge rock at Raven, Raven threw a cement truck at Terra, pause.

"I can't beat her up with this annoying song!" Terra said.

"It's way to calming." Raven said, "Change it." Starfire pressed a big red button and…

_It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a F------ Death Wish by My Chemical Romance starts playing_

"Thanks!" Raven and Terra said at the same time, and then went back to fighting. After about ten minutes of fighting Terra screamed out,

"YOU TOOK MY CHILDREN AND PUT THEM IN A DUNGEON!" Raven paused for a second while thinking "wtf?" along with the audience. Then Terra hurled a huge rock at her and knocked her down, the audience cheered, "Distractions are so much fun," Terra said, she walked up to Raven and was about to hurl another hug rock at her, but then Raven moved her leg, knocking Terra down. Raven got up, then just as Terra got up Raven kicked her arse.

"I said I'd kick your arse!" Raven said. The audience went crazy.

"You are so DEAD!"

_One hour later_

Still fighting - Robin came and tried to break it up, he just got hit in the cross fire

_Two Hours Later_

Still fighting - half of the audience is gone, B.B, Cyborg, Starfire and Robin are eating popcorn and watching the fight.

_Three Hours Later _

Terra and Raven look like they're both going to die and yes, are still fighting. All of the audience is gone; the only people left are the rest of the titans.

"Think you could give it a rest?" B.B asked.

"No…" Raven and Terra said at the same time, they were both about to hurl another object at each other then they both collapsed and fell asleep.

"How are we supposed to get them home?" Cyborg said, "If Robin is stupid enough to carry a girl again…"

"I know, I know, more shipper fics!" Robin said, "Blame the animators! B.B carry Terra, Cy carry Raven."

"I will be happy to carry both!" Starfire said, "As I am a girl and have no feelings of romance for either of my female friends."

"Oh yeah, why didn't I think of that?"

**End Clip**

"I give that fight a 10 outta 10!" Beast Boy said.

"Today we're gonna review Zelda and the Ocarina of Time! It's about this boy named Link-"

"He's an elf fairy thing!"

"No! He's human you lean that when you play the game… baka."

"He was born with pointy ears so he's part elf or hobbit!"

"You have pointy ears."

"My ears became pointy after my skin turned green! I wasn't born with 'em. Link was! And he got his magic from that fairy fountain so he's part fairy."

"Raven has magic and she's human."

"No she's part demon and part another dimension!" pause, "Hey, if Raven's mom is white and her dad is red why is she gray? Wouldn't she be pink or something?"

"Yeah… maybe her mom was cheating on Trigon and we can tell her she's not gonna destroy the world."

"But then how would she do the red scary eyes thing?"

"I don't know. But you're makin a good point. And why are her hair and eyes purple?"

"Her mom has purple hair."

"Right about that but her dad is blonde so she should have lavender hair?"

"Yeah! And her mom's eyes are a blackish color, why are hers purple?"

"Maybe it has to do with recessive and dominate genes instead of a codominance." Raven said, she had been standing right behind them for some time now.

"That's it!" Cyborg said, "Thanks Raven…"

"RAVEN!" B.B and Cy said at the same time.

"You are DEAD!" Raven yelled at them.

"GO TO COMMERCIALS NOW!" B.B said running for his life.

…………………………………………………………………………….

Starfire: "I am confused, are not Pepsi and Coke the same dark colored liquid, but in different wrappers?"

Robin: "No Star, Coke tastes better."

B.B: "Coke sucks! Pepsi is better it has more sugar!"

Cyborg: "You're both wrong! Dr. Pepper whoops both of their lame arses!"

Robin, B.B and Cyborg get into a big fight. (cloud of smoke limbs flying everywhere all of that)

Starfire: "They are fighting over which brand is healthier?"

Raven: "Starfire, remember when I told you drugs are bad and that you should never take them?"

Starfire: "Yes."

Raven: "This is why."

………………………………………………………………………………………….

B.B: "So your batteries aren't powerful enough for ya? Well I got just the thing! Cyborg's super huge battery! He only has three and they can all be yours just call 1-800-"

Cyborg: (standing right behind B) "What's this about my batteries?"

B.B: "AHHHH BYE!" (runs away)

Cyborg: "Buy a Dell they're awesome! Please buy one, we need money to pay for damages!"

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Hello and welcome to the Raven show." Raven said, "As Beast Boy and Cyborg were found far too incompetent to host a TV show I will be taking over." A shot of B.B and Cy tied up in a back room is shown.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SET!" Slade said as he came back onto the show.

"Your girlfriend started it. Sorry we're all out of time join us next week for-"

"THE SLADE SHOW! I'M OUT ON BAIL!"

**TIME 4 PROPZ!**

chitoryu12: (evil grin) violence is fun!

disappearer/Syani: Thanks! Any thing lovey between B.B and Raven is sad (sad in the pathetic, way out of character way) I did however find Romeo and Juliet hilarious; I laughed my arse off at the end of the movie when we saw it in English. Shakespeare always knew how to make love funny…

gothchic: Thanks and… I understand why people don't like Michael Jackson BUT THRILLER AND THE MOONWALK KICK ARSE! As for M.C. Hammar his genie pants are awesome. Fine think what you want, I don't care, just don't yell at me you won't be able to change my mind.

wlackcat49: mmmmm mustard…..

worthlessdeath: I hate Terra too making her a snack for Trigon is a great idea! Maybe I'll use it later if you don't mind…

Weasel Chick: I will take you calling me a moron as a compliment, as Spongebob and Patrick have been called that many times.

bunnysquirrel: Thanks! Logging in always sucks…

Mystyre: Arse is one of my favorite words, learned it from Braveheart!

TheSkeet: There have to be some more funny Slade stories out there! I'll try and find some!

moo: Thanks! R.E.M kicks arse!

sillymail: adding Aflac to long list of commercial ideas…

Flames of the Sun: Thanks! If you really want to write comedy, really badly, or just want some laughs watch a lot of Monty Python and Mel Brooks movies, they'll help you come up with totally random ideas.

kyo-kitty: adding ING to long list of commercial ideas…

jejuneepitaph: LMAO! Hey wait a minute… I like animals! And yet I eat them…

Saint H: Thanks a lot!

Megzwillrule4evr: Slade is coming back! MUHAHAHA!

Turtle Sister: Me is bringing Slade and the dark side of the force back in the next chapter!

nala456: Thankie! Me is finally updating now…

A/N: The next chapter will be up as soon as I write it… hopefully this week. I'm not makin any promises. Do you want a crappy chapter up fast or do you wanna wait a little while for a decent one!


	8. Slade is back!

A/N: After seeing the end part 3, MAN DOES SLADE KICK ARSE! And because so many of you want to know what me deal with romance is, just look on me bio page.

The set is still pretty messed up and hazardous, more of the audience is back, Slade has had some medieval torture devices brought back in and black and red paint has also been splattered everywhere in tribute to the late Jackson Pollock, "Hello and welcome back to-"

"The Slade Show!" the audience said and cheered

"My greatest apologies for the imbeciles who were running my show during my absence; you can blame it all on Raven. Apparently her IQ is 50 - 60 points lower than I originally thought it was."

"It's a free country I don't have to do your lame show if I don't want to." Raven said from the audience.

"Anyway, because I was in prison I couldn't steal any bail money so I was forced to sell some of my precious technology to the military. If they use it to blast Bin Laden's head off at least I'll know it wasn't all for nothing. I'm due in court on Monday, if you wish to view my biased hearing read "Slade on Trial" by the same crack addict writing this-"

A/N: I am not a crack addict! …I prefer sugar

"Today's topic is "I always try to make things more dramatic then they actually are and I'll never have the guts to ask a girl out" everyone I give you Robin." the audience applauded and some security guards brought Robin onto the set, "Hello Mr. Grayson or would you prefer if I called you Dick?" Robin got very red very fast.

"NOBODY'S SUPPOSED TO KNOW MY REAL NAME!" Robin screamed, then he attempted to jump Slade but security grabbed him and threw him back in his seat.

"I ask that you do not do that again or we shall have to restrain you in a manner that is very painful. Actually by all means do it again."

"I'll see you in court. You're going down, way down."

"I'll get an appeal. Back to today's topic, Robin, why are you constantly trying to make things more dramatic than they are?"

"I don't."

"Yes, Robin, you do. What is it because you want girls to like you or something?"

"Shut it."

"It is isn't it?"

"Shut it."

"Don't lie; I was your age too once. Believe me they'll never go out with anyone in a uniform as tacky as the one you're wearing. Not to mention them all being taller than you..."

"When you die I'm going to rip out your heart and shove it in front of your face so you see how black it is before you die."

"Wonderful evil villain thoughts Robin, I told you we were alike. Except that I don't have your lame "I always have to be the hero" personality-"

"You have a lame "I always have to be the evil villain" personality."

"True, but at least my IQ is higher than that of a potato, my uniform is cool and Starfire isn't taller than me."

"Shut it."

"Robin, I just noticed your boots should make you about an inch and half taller and you're still short."

"I said SHUT IT!" Robin tried to jump Slade, but then some security guards grabbed him and put him in a straight jacket and tied his legs together, "Why the heck am I on your stupid show anyway?"

"I want to embarrass you." Robin stared at him evilly, "Just to show you that I'm fair I pick my victim… err… guest each week on a wheel," some security guards bring out a spinning wheel thingy, it is divided into ten sections, eight say Robin, one says Terra and the last one is divided into four parts, each part for one titan, "and now to embarrass you even more, are you ever going to ask a girl out?"

"Shut it."

"Too pathetic to give a decent answer," he pulls out some comic books, and looks through one "how touching, Robin's getting married to Starfire," he burst out laughing, "but then Raven's father takes over her and she trashes the ceremony," he looks through a few more comics, "after the titans managed to defeat Trigon and Raven's PMSing was over she was reborn as a golden spirit, what the? I'll assume the writer was on crack. After all of that, oh, how tragic, things didn't work out for Robin and Starfire and Robin died a virgin. The end."

"DIE SLADE!" Robin broke out of the straight jacket and was going to strangle Slade but Slade stopped him using the dark side of the force.

"Robin, how hard is it for you to comprehend? If you jump out of your seat and try to attack me, I humiliate you," he began to strangle Robin using the dark side, then he stopped, "this is far too pathetic for me to endure. Go home," some security guards took Robin off of the set, "and cry about how you'll be a virgin forever."

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SLADE!" Robin screamed from off set.

"Yes and one day hell will freeze over. Now time for some advertisements!"

……………………………………………………………………………………

Robin opens his closet to reveal Silky has eaten all of his masks.

**Robin's mask - $3**

Beast Boy turns on the game station and realizes Silky has eaten the controllers

**A new controller - $15**

Raven goes to the book case only to see Silky eating her copy of all of Edgar Allen Poe's works

**Hardcover copy of everything written by Poe - $30**

Cyborg goes into his room and finds Silky eating his computer

**Cyborg's super computer - $1000+**

Starfire walks into her room and sees Silky eating some of her boots; she picks up Silky and cradles him while all of the other titans look ticked off.

**Loving the mutant silk worm that's always eating your stuff - priceless**

Raven: "What do you mean priceless? Because Robin let her keep that thing we have to pay for what it eats."

**The love is priceless not what it eats**

Raven: "Crack addict."

**Hey I am not on drugs! I'm a voice over I can't even take drugs HA!**

Raven: "Someone's in denial."

**Nobody cares! Some things are priceless for everything else there's Master Card. **

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

"That's all for now, tune in next week for another episode of the Slade Show."

A/N: Ok... you're giving me way more reviews than I can handle... (where the heck did they all come from?) If you're review crazy read Silkie Fires Everybody by let's point out the obvious! It's frikkin hilarious and is lacking reviews and another kick arse story is Slade is My Father? by The Skeet.

now for the props…

If you wanted to know me deal with the romance go to be bio page

**chitoryu12** - lol… read Slade on Trial the verdict'll be up eventually…

**WeaselChick** - Thanks!

**sillymail **- Grazie!

**worthlessdeath** - Link does look like a girl, but he isn't half bad compared to the really fugly fairies in the fountains…

**TheSkeet** - Danke schön!

**Saint H** - I've actually been thinking of giving Robin a turn at doing the show… muhaha…

**OveractiveMind** - I have every right to rail on them! THERE IS NO LOVE IN THISSTORY! (and Shakespearian insults are fun!)

**moo** - R.E.M 4EVER!

**Shadowofazarath** - Merci!

**BananaBoots** - Gracias

**Flames of the Sun** - Go raibh maith agat!

**Aznka** - Dank je wel!

**Bunnysquirrel **- Ahsante sana!

**Wave** **Maker** - umm…thanks for the suggestions but if you heard what I had to say about Green Day and Avril Lavinge(sp?) mostly Avril I think you might want to fire bomb my house.

**Blue Wallpaper** - actually I got the idea for the audience answering thing from the old All Thats when Amanda did the Ask Ashley sketches.

**jejuneepitaph **- Dziekuje bardzo!

**vampiremage** - I'm making fun of the show not the comic books, I know in the comics she had pale skin and black hair but I can't make fun of that now can I.

A/N: If you want to know what language all of the thank-yous are in… I'm not telling! hehehe…. next chapter will be up….when I write it… hopefully sooner than later.


	9. why couldn't i have gotten jail time?

A/N: Sorry for yet another long update, me was visiting family in California and am now adjusting to the stupid evil time change… ((collapses on keyboard))

"Hello and welcome back to," Slade said with Starfire sitting next to him.

"The Slade Show!" the audience said and cheered.

"I have good news and bad news, the good news is, I was found innocent!" the audience cheered, "and I have a restraining order on Robin, he can't come within 200 feet of me," the audience laughed at Robin in the very back of the audience and cheered, "the bad news is… I was found guilty of other crimes and I have to spend a month with Starfire." The audience started laughing, then Slade started strangling all of them using the dark side, "Still think it's funny!" the audience shook their heads, "Good." He stopped strangling them, "Today's topic is "I serve no purpose other than to waste animation funds" ladies and gentlemen I give you Terra-"

"No!" Starfire said, "You wish to embarrass Terra! That is not very nice! The topic of today's show shall be "I will apologize to Robin for being mean to him during the last episode." In which you shall be nice to Robin."

"When Democrats and Republicans vote for each other!"

"You shall be nice to Robin and say you are sorry!"

"This is my show! I can do what I want!"

"You will apologize to Robin!"

"Damn it! Why couldn't I have gotten jail time!" he took out a little notepad from his pocket and added Red X to his kill list and underlined Starfire's name several times.

"Now you are to say "Robin, I am most sorry for humiliating you on the television and doing horrible things to you that should only been done by those who are married while you were my apprentice""

"No I am not! All I did was embarrass him on TV and that's it. This is my show I'll do what I want! The only reason you're here is because of that stupid Red X! I refuse to apologize to Robin!"

"Then you shall make a list of everything that is good about him so he feels better, if you will not apologize."

"Star," Robin said from the very back of the audience, "you're kind of making it worse…"

"Will you shut up if I do the list thing?" Slade asked

"Perhaps" Starfire told him

"Fine," he took a deep breath, "Robin is good at having bad taste in uniforms, he's good at being shorter than you," Robin looked down in shame, "he's good at being an ungrateful worthless apprentice-"

"Those are not kind things and Tamarainens are naturally taller than most humans, there is nothing shameful in his being shorter than I!" Robin looked down in more shame.

"You know what? I'm changing today's topic."

"Magnificent!"

"The new topic is "If Starfire keeps her mouth shut for the rest of the show I'll pay her $10,000" so Starfire do you have anything to say?"

"Bribery is horrible and wrong! You should let Robin have a turn to host your program of the television."

"If you keep your mouth shut I'll let him do something next week!"

"Glorious!" Starfire hugged Slade, Slade's one eye widened, "Shall he host the program of the television with us?"

"No, I have a restraining on Robin; now keep your mouth shut," Starfire said nothing, "good. Ok, I have to come up with a new topic," he thought for a moment, "screw it. I'll interview Raven." some security guards brought Raven onto the set, "Raven, sometimes you have flashes of foresight, correct?"

"Yeah," Raven said, "Why am I on your show?"

"I couldn't think of anything else to do and your IQ meets the requirement. Have you had any visions of what's to come in season 5?"

"No."

"Then what's the point of you having foresight if you can't see anything good with it!"

"How should I know? I was born that way."

"So you haven't seen anything from season 5… at all?"

"No."

"I don't believe you."

"If I had a vision of anything I would've let the fan sites pay me off a long time ago. Can I leave now?"

"At least make something up!"

"We beat up some bad guys, nobody gets any smarter and Robin does some more obsessing over you."

"No sheiße Sherlock! That happens in every season, tell the audience what they want to hear." He shoved a microphone in her face.

"I told you I don't know anything." She said pushing the microphone away, "The fansites know more than me."

"You have to know something I can blackmail you about later, maybe something that would drive the shippers insane?"

"Fine, you meet some girl."

"That's not funny. I meant the shippers that make _you_ miserable!"

"If you wanted to interview someone stupid I highly recommend Beast Boy. And how many times do I have to tell you? I know nothing about season 5! I'm leaving." Raven got up and left. Slade didn't try to stop her.

"See I can be nice sometimes, I didn't strangle the girl. I'm just hoping she gets hit by a bus on the way out," Starfire shook her head at him; "this is my show I can say what I want. Play the commercials."

………………………………………………………………………………………

B.B: "Hey Raven, would you ever wear Starfire's uniform?"

Raven: "No."

B. B: (waves a Klondike bar in front of her) "What if I gave you a Klondike bar?"

Raven: "No."

B. B: "But it's a Klondike bar! The ice-creamy goodness!"

Raven: "No."

B. B: "But it's a Klondike bar, Raven, a Klondike bar!"

Raven: "No. You really think I'm gonna degrade my self for some ice-cream?" (walks away)

Cyborg and Robin both walk into the room, staring evilly at Beast Boy, wearing Starfire's uniform. They both put out a hand and Beast Boy gives them each a Klondike bar. Raven walks in and opens her cape revealing Starfire's uniform. Her eyes widened at the sight of Robin and Cyborg, B.B gave her a Klondike bar.

B.B: "What would youdo for a Klondike bar?" (grins evilly and walks away)

Robin: "This-"

Raven: "-never happened."

Cyborg: "I say nothing, you say nothing." (they all nod in agreement)

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Cyborg: "Hi I'm Cyborg!"

B.B: "And I'm Beast Boy!"

-moment of silence-

B.B: "We're here for no apparent reason."

Cyborg: "We just wanted a commercial."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Terra: "Is there a group of worthless losers you hate? I mean really really hate, say the Teen Titans?"

Bad guys: "YES!"

Terra: "Want me to earn their trust, learn their weaknesses and then backstab 'em?" (Spins knife in hand)

Bad guys: "YES!"

Terra: "Then call 1-800-BACKSTAB and I see what I can do for you." (continues spinning knife)

Slade: "HEY! Wait a minute YOU TURNED ON ME IN THE END!" (walks up to Terra and is about to strangle her)

Terra: (jumps behind Slade, and stabs him in the back, only to see it's a robot) "I'm a backstabber! It's what I do scheißekopf!

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

"That's all for this week's episode of the Slade show, live audience members remember to bring any weapons you have next week. If Robin's show sucks you have my permission to form an angry mob and kill him. No strike that, form an angry mob and kill him anyway." Starfire glared at him, "When will you realize I've stopped caring what you think!"

A/N: That's all for this chappie! I had to give Robin a turn at the show, everyone else got a turn and I have been kinda mean to him lately… it's not like he doesn't deserve it! Always hogging the lime light from the cool people ((cough))SladeandBeastBoy((cough)) If you're wondering about the Starfire thing all you need to do is read the last chapter of 'Slade on Trial' and it should clear everything up. Now that that's done, time for proppies!

**sillymail**

**BBfan4evah**

**TheSkeet**

**Flames of the Sun**

**worthlessdeath**

**Setsuna Mudo **

**lunakimono **

**ivorypanther**

**Blue Wallpaper**

**StickLad**

**Kikyz **

**moo **

**KittyHelsing**

**Bunnysquirrel**

**Aznka**

**LadyDevimon13**

**Shadow Evenstar**

**Phantom Moon**

**i dunno**

**WeaselChick**

**pop66**

**Carolyn Carissa Sydnie**

**kkori **

A/N: Thanks! You all rock!


	10. stupid robin and mall torture

A/N: Yay! I puts the chappie up sooner this time!

"Hello and welcome back to-" Slade began, with Starfire next to him.

"The Slade Show!" the audience said and cheered.

"Did you not say Robin would host this episode of your program of the television?" Starfire asked.

"I lied," he said.

"You cannot lie!"

"I'm a villain, did you expect something else?"

"YOU SHALL ALLOW ROBIN TO HOST THIS EPISODE OF YOUR PROGRAM OF THE TELEVISION!"

"If I go deaf because of you, I'm suing."

"ALLOW ROBIN TO HOST-"

"Alright, alright, will you just please SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"Wonderful!" she hugged Slade, "because you have been most kind I shall give you a makeover! Let us go to the mall of shopping!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" then Starfire grabbed his arm and flew away to the mall with him, Slade still screaming. Robin walked onto the stage receiving death stares from the well armed audience.

"Hi, welcome to Catching Slade, with me your host Robin-" he said like a news reporter but was then cut off by an audience member.

"I thought it was Dick Grayson." a random audience member asked with a smirk.

"Hmm…" Robin paused for a second, "come to think of it, that was a really cool name during the 30's and 40's kinda like, Frank Sinatra or Clark Gable-"

"This is 2005 numbskull! Your name is pathetic!" another random audience member yelled, "live in the now!"

"I'm sorry I can't understand you, I don't speak idiot!"

"This is Slade's studio, he told us to bring weapons incase you started to kill the show," that audience member held up a crowbar, "I suggest you treat your audience with respect."

"Fine," he glared at that audience member, "Back to the show, I've tapped into the mall's security system so I'll be able to see every move Slade makes." He turned on a wall of TVs right behind him, it showed several shots of every store in the mall, then he saw Starfire and Slade in the men's section JC Penny… ok this mall has killer security cameras, they're color and record sound.

_**On the TV…**_

"Slade, you would look most handsome in this garment!" Starfire said and held up a light blue shirt with purple and pink stripes.

"Not if you paid me! Are you _purposely_ **_trying_** to make me look like I'm gay?" Slade asked.

"Of course, everyone is more attractive when they are happy!" Slade smacked his forehead.

"I want to leave!"

"No! You are in a desperate requirement of a new wardrobe!" she threw some clothes in the shopping cart, "And you shall try them on to see that they properly fit!"

"Stop trying to make me look like the newest member of the fab five!"

"They are a boy band of some sort?" Slade began to cringe

"I want to leave!"

"You shall try on the articles of clothing I have selected for you!"

"Yes, 'mother'," he grabbed the clothes out of the shopping cart, "I'll try the stupid clothes on if we leave!"

"Excellent!" she threw Slade in a dressing room.

"They all fit," he said from behind the door without having tried any of the clothes on, "can we go now!"

"I want to see how you look in them first."

"No!"

"Then we shall not leave…"

A/N: Incase you're wondering why Slade hasn't just left or killed Starfire by now, according to his sentence if he isn't in the same room as her (except for the bathroom or when one of them is changing) or within fifty feet of her, if he leaves his sentence is only lengthened and his restraining order on Robin is dead. If he kills her, same punishment only Star will be replaced with Kitten. If he kills Kitten she will be replaced with Robin.

"I hate you with the fire of one thousand suns," he walked out in some of the clothes Starfire picked out for him, "I tried on the damn clothes! Can we leave now!"

"Yes we shall! Onward to Macy's!"

"What the? NO! I want to leave! Why don't you do this to Robin, anything is better than what he's wearing!" he demanded. Starfire paid no attention to him, then she bought the clothes Slade would eventually end up making dummies for target practice with, with Batman's credit card (she doesn't know about identity theft and Robin wouldn't let him press charges) and dragged him to another store. Hmmm maybe I should start a new fanfic on this…

_**Back to Robin's show…**_

"Crap!" Robin said, "They're off camera! Must fix…" he started banging the control box, then Slade and Starfire popped up on another screen and for a second one of Slade's gloves had fallen off a little bit, just enough to show some skin, Robin froze the frame and zoomed in, "SLADE IS CAUCASIAN! This narrows down my search completely!"

"You said that three months ago when you found out his shoe size, you haven't gotten anywhere…" Cyborg said from the audience, Robin glared at him for a second and then whipped out a bunch of newspaper articles about Slade and started underlining things.

"Gotta catch Slade, gotta catch Slade, must find out who that evil bastard is…"

"He's getting pretty lame," a random audience member said, "ANGRY MOB FORMATION BEGIN!"

"What the-- CRAP!" Robin began to run for his life. The audience formed a large angry mob and began to chase after Robin with their weapons of choice.

"And now time for some commercials!" Beast Boy said as the angry mob rushed past him.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Speedy: (in Raven's voice) Went to my dark poetry joint today. Of course everybody there wanted to get their hands on my new cape. Black with a little blue, not even the army has its technology. It's water proof, fire proof, wind proof, snow proof, bullet proof, lightning proof, monster proof and even Beast Boy proof. I even got a nice 14k gold fibula to go with it. Expensive? What, you thought I'd actually pay for it? (Smirks)

Beast Boy: Don't let identity theft happen to you! Give us money and we'll prevent it… somehow.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

B.B: "Do you wanna look like this loser?" (Holds up a picture of himself in a crappy car with Slade's head pasted over his) "Didn't think so, you wanna look like this don't you?" (Holds up a picture of Slade in a Porsche surrounded by girls, only Beast Boy pasted his head over Slade's) "That's exactly why you should buy yourself a new Porsche 911!"

Slade: (has been standing behind him the entire time) "Ahem."

B.B: "Hiya Slade… I'm dead aren't I?"

Slade: "You took the words right out of my mouth."

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Starfire: "Raven, do you desire a Fanta?" (offers her a soda bottle)

Raven: "No."

Starfire: "Why do you not want a Fanta?"

Raven: "It's nothing more than sugar, food coloring and carbonated water. Not to mention owned by a company that thinks they'll boost sales by advertising their product with a bunch of singing anorexic skanks-"

Starfire and Raven turn their heads and see that Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy's eyes are all glued to the TV and the Fanta commercial is on.

Cyborg: "WE NEED THAT SODA!"

Robin: "Subconsciously we all think that if we buy that soda, we'll get to meet those girls even though we have a better chance of seeing Beast Boy eat meat… I need that soda!"

Beast Boy: "There're four of them and three of us, we can't lose!"

Cyborg: "BOO-YAH!"

The three of them run out of the tower, paying no attention at all to the girls, and to the nearest food store

Starfire: (flame surrounding her) "I shall find those unsightly underfed as you say "skanks" and make the rest of their lives most unpleasant!" (flies out the window in search of the Fanta girls)

Raven: "And this all wouldn't have happened if they had just said 'no.'"

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

Now the set is almost completely empty, except for Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven and a few camera guys.

"Pure… hell…" Slade said as Starfire dragged him back onto the set, "every store… SHE MADE ME GO INTO EVERY FREAKING STORE! SHE TOOK ME TO BUILD A BEAR!" he held up a black Teddy bear and then threw it behind his shoulder.

"Where is Robin?" Starfire asked.

"Did you miss the part about the angry mob?" Cyborg asked. Then the mob walked sadly back in and took their seats.

"We're sorry Slade," a random audience member said and looked down in shame, "he got away alive…" all of the audience frowned.

"I even brought my spit," a sad audience member held up a spit that had a dummy of Robin on it, "I wanted his liver damn it!" everyone stared at this audience member for a second, "I mean umm deliver yeah… I wanted him to deliver me a pizza… to roast," pause, "on this spit... hee…hee?"

"I will pay no attention to that last comment," Slade said, "that's all for this week's episode of the Slade Show," pause, "all of you get the heck out of my studio!"

A/N: That be all for this chappie… if anyone wants to, I'll use your username in place of "random audience member" all you have to do is name your weapon of choice and tell me how immoral you want to be. Time for proppies! Big thank yous go to… ((Drum roll))

**WeaselChick**

**The Skeet**

**BBfan4evah**

**Wave Maker **

**chitoryu12 - **wowI didn't know that was possible… change the democrat and republican thing to when… Ann Coulter and Michael Moore agree with each other… muhahahaha! Hell will freeze over first!

**KGdiva**

**worthlessdeath **

**sillymail**

**Phoenix Skyborne **

**WelcOmE2pArAdIsE**

**NightRobin**

**Basketcase101**

**Jejuneepitaph**

**RavenKicksAss**

**StickLad**

**Aznka**

**Saint H**

**Blue Wallpaper**

**ArcherofDarkness and Callie **


	11. SHE'S TRYING TO EAT ME!

A/N: Umm, guys I said immoral, not immortal… double props to worthless death for being the only one who got it! I will be taking no more random audience member applications; I still have no idea where all the reviews you keep giving me come from. One more thing, I didn't read the comics, I just read one or two bios on Jericho (who's gonna be in the next season! WOOT! That means lotsa shocked faces!)… so please don't kill me if his character is completely screwed.

"Hello and welcome back to," Slade said with Starfire next to him, only this time she's bound and gagged.

"The Slade Show!" the audience said and cheered.

"Thanks to a little help from some high quality ropes my life has become so much easier. Doesn't Starfire look so much prettier now?" the audience cheered.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Robin screamed from the back of the audience.

"MMMMMMMMM!" Starfire attempted to speak.

"Today I'm going to pick up on where I left before my arrest, finding a new apprentice. My first victim is," he looked at his card, "Gizmo," two security guards brought Gizmo onto the stage, he took his seat. "Why do you want to be my apprentice?"

"Cuz the Teen Titans are a bunch of worthless whimps!"

"I like your attitude. What's your favorite color?"

"Black, sleaze bag."

"Have you committed murder?"

"No," he said sarcastically, "I graduated the HIVE Academy at the top of my class and I've built over fifty kinds of guns and twenty kinds of bombs. I've really never killed a person."

"I don't appreciate your sarcasm." He pushed a button then Gizmo's chair fell back, the trap door opened and Gizmo fell into it. "Next victim," two security guards brought Jericho on stage, Jericho glared at him, "What are you doing here? I thought we stopped speaking to each other after you decided to have an affair with Raven, then that Kole girl and join the teen titans!"

Jericho got up and walked over Starfire, untied her and possessed her, however the heck he does that, then he said to Slade in Starfire's body (voice included), "No we stopped speaking to each other because you risked my life on a bet that you couldn't save me, by the time you got to me they cut my throat just enough to make me mute."

"I saved you, didn't I?"

"You risked my life! What kind of a father are you?"

"No more possessing people without my permission! Let me bound and gag the girl then get back into your body and stay there."

"Why would I want to stay there? I can't talk and it has your evil DNA in it."

"The minute your back in your own body I'm grounding you for life, young man!" he stopped Jericho/Starfire using the dark side, some security guards tied him or her up, and then Jericho became himself again. "No more possessing people other than Robin, no more girlfriends who aren't evil, and most importantly no more joining the teen titans, you rotten little ingrate!" Jericho possessed Slade.

"Hello I'm Slade. You know why I'm always so mean and horrible to everyone? My father never hugged me when I was a child. He never loved me and now I'm a horrible father too, I never pay child support and only love my first born! My wife shot me in the face before she took the kids, both cars, all of my money and left me! Honestly I have no idea why any woman would want to go out with me. I also ditched all of my Vietnam medals-" at that Slade was able to push his son out of him.

"Don't you DARE say I ditched my war metals! I may be evil but I am not one of those bastard pinko commies! America kicks arse!" Slade stopped Jericho with the dark side, then some security guards bound and gagged him.

"Jericho is your son?" Robin asked.

"Yes you ignorant bird-brained incompetent-"

"If his hair is naturally blond, I bet yours is too! YOU'RE WHITE, YOU'RE BLOND AND YOUR SHOE SIZE IS A MENS 11! I'm gonna catch-" Robin realized that the audience member who was chasing after him with a spit and screaming _"I want your liver damn it!"_ during his incident with the angry mob, whom I have decided to name Fay, had been sitting next to him the whole time. She was salting his arm and had her mouth open ready to eat it, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he pulled his arm away from her.

"Willy Wonka said every thing was eatable."

"That man is on drugs!" he slowly began to move away from the girl, "SLADE! YOU HAVE A CANNIBAL IN THE AUDIENCE!"

"Cannibalism is immoral, wrong and very sick." Slade said, "Of course I'm going to allow it on my show! But darling," he said to Fay, "you don't know where he's been make sure to wash him first." Fay nodded in a way mini-me would, then pulled out a fork and tried to get Robin with it, "We wouldn't want you to get sick, make sure he's clean first." She glared at Slade and then went back to trying to get Robin with the fork.

"I think some crazed audience member is trying to eat Robin" Beast Boy said, "think we should do something about it?"

"And miss the show?" Cyborg said, "no way! Star and Raven can handle it."

"Star is bound and gagged and Raven isn't here, said she had to destroy an evil McDonald's." pause, "Oh well." Robin's mouth dropped in the realization that both Beast Boy and Cyborg would rather watch the show than help him.

"Anyway," Slade said, "my next victim is-" Raven walked onto the set, covered bits of destroyed building and some french fries and took a seat next to Cyborg. (A/N: Just so ya know, the teen titans usually get front or second row seats for some reason; Robin however has to sit in the back of the back row due to his restraining order.)

"That's what they get for not giving me that little mermaid toy I wanted when I was four… muhaha"

"We can hook you up with a psychiatrist after the show-" Slade looked at Jericho and saw that he was blushing, then he looked at Raven, then back at Jericho, "Her IQ may be over that of a carrot, but she's still NOT EVIL! How many times do I have to tell you to no going after the enemy!" Jericho glared at him, "Second ROMANCE ISN'T ALLOWED ON MY SHOW! Pre-mating rituals are for the soap opera channel."

"Haha!" Beast Boy said, "Raven has a boyfriend!"

"I don't have a boyfriend," she said, sane again, "and if I did he wouldn't be a backstabbing rock."

"He'd be a backstabbing book."

"At least I was able to kick his arse, and the one of that rock covered in bird crap too."

"Or he'd be Kid Flash, or **_SLADE'S SON_** who's sitting on the stage right now!" Raven got a little nervous and B.B held up some comicbooks, "I have proof! See!" Raven used her powers to throw the comics in a pit of fire under one of the torture devices on the set.

"Not anymore."

"Dude! Those were rated NEAR MINT!"

"Do you really want people seeing you with your bad 70's haircut, need I remind you Terra actually dies." Beast Boy did not respond, "Didn't think so." The argument ended here.

"Nobody cares!" Slade said, "As I was saying, my son keeps going after the good girls and I, being a villain do not like this." Jericho glared at him; Slade pressed the button, causing Jericho to fall down the trap door, "If only he was more like his brother… go to commercials."

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Beast Boy: "This is awesome! They came out with teen titan ice-pops! Who wants one?"

Everyone: "Me!"

Beast Boy: "Cool! They gave us each our own flavor, pink for Starfire," gives her a pink one, "red for Robin," gives him one, "purple for Raven," gives her one, "green for me," takes one for himself, "and blue for… hey! Where's the blue one for Cyborg?" starts searching for a blue pop, "DUDE! THEY DIDN'T GIVE CYBORG A FLAVOR! THOSE RACIEST JERKS!"

Cyborg: "What! JUST CUZ I'M BLACK! Blue is everyone's favorite flavor! Who doesn't like blue? Racism is the only explanation!"

Starfire: "Please what is racism?"

Raven: "Remember when that dirt bag was calling you that alien word for nothing?"

Starfire: "Yes."

Raven: "It's just like that."

Beast Boy: "I just thought of something," everyone gasped, "Robin is the only white guy and he's our leader!"

Cyborg: "Yeah! I could be the leader, Raven could do a decent job to, but they picked you over us cuz you're white and a guy!"

Robin: "I'm not a raciest! Are you accusing me of something?"

_To Be Continued… next chapter_

(A/N: I've seen the real commercial! They really are missing blue!)

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

"That's all for this week's-" Slade was cut off by Robin.

"SHE BIT ME!" he screamed, "That freak! She bit me! Do not make me hurt you," he took out one of his exploding disks and was about to throw it. Just then Wave Maker and Flames of the Sun pulled out chainsaws, WeaselChick whipped out her sword, and PhantomWriter aimed a bow at him, (If I didn't make you a random audience member in this chapter, I'll use you in the next chappie… Muhahaha)

"We have weapons to hurt you." Wave Maker said.

"Not so you can hurt us." Flames of the Sun said.

"Coward," WeaselChick said, "attacking a weaponless audience member."

"She's just an innocent little girl!" PhantomWriter said.

"SHE'S TRYING TO EAT ME!" Robin yelled at all of them, "SLADE! DO SOMETHING SHE IS TRYING TO EAT ME!"

"She's trying to eat you and for some strange reason you seem to think I give a damn, priceless really." Robin dropped the disk and jumped out of a back window and ran away. Fay looked down in sorrow, "Don't worry you'll get him next time," she looked up and smiled, "that's all for this week's episode of the Slade Show."

A/N: If I didn't make you a random audience member in this chapter, you will be one eventually… no more applying and now time for kick arse people who reviewed!

**chitoryu12**

**ivorypanther **

**Wave Maker **

**The Skeet **

**KGdiva **

**worthlessdeath **

**disappearer/Syani**

**WeaselChick **

**BBfan4evah**

**kkori**

**nv**

**Blue Wallpaper **

**jejuneepitaph **

**TK FoX**

**PhantomWriter92 **

**OveractiveMind**

**Kikyz**

**ArcherofDarkness and Callie **

**me**

**Phantom Moon**

**bunnysquirrel **

**moo **

**XxTTfanxX**

**A Vegan in a Trench Coat **

**Flames of the Sun **


	12. i am not vocally related to them

A/N: Thanks to everyone who pointed out that Raven's actually the one missing an ice pop. Five titans and four flavors and no villains is WRONG I TELL YOU!

"Hello and welcome back to…" Slade said with Starfire next to him.

"The Slade Show!" the audience said and cheered.

"It was not very kind of you to bound and gag me!" Starfire said.

"What part of 'evil villain' don't you understand?"

"You will give me an apology!"

"No I will not! You deserved it! If you had kept your mouth shut and hadn't forced me to watch that stupid chick flick with you… and took me to BUILD-A-BEAR!"

"You shall give me an apology."

"No I won't. I guess I'll simply have to bound and gag you again," the audience cheered.

"No you will not! You will give me an apolo-" Slade stopped her using that wonderful dark side of the force again, she was then bound and gagged by some security guards.

"Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it." Starfire shot some starbolts at him from her eyes; Slade put Cyclops's sunglasses from X-men on her, making every attempt of hers to shoot starbolts from her eyes in vain.

"I have an idea for a topic!" Robin said while being poked with a stick, "Today the audience has to be nice to Robin!" he looked over to a random audience member sitting right next to him, poking him with a stick, "will you cut that out!"

"No," ivorypanther said.

"Why?"

"Cuz it's fun! And Fay promised to share."

"Robin, you lose." Slade said, "Today's topic is, Let's introduce Raven to all of the other people who are voiced by the same lady as she is." Two security guards pulled Raven out of her seat and put her on the stage, and several cartoon characters fell from the sky, "Raven please meet, Kitten, Bubbles, Dill Pickles, Timmy Turner and Mark's warrior princess alien fiancé." (A/N: Tara Strong actually voices way more people than this, these are the ones that I know of)

"Mine!" Dill said.

Raven didn't speak; she just sat there popeyed with her mouth wide open in fear and total shock, then she fainted. Beast Boy, Cyborg and the rest of the audience burst out laughing, except for Robin who was being bothered by the audience. Then Bumblebee ran onto the stage.

"CLEAR!" she yelled and zapped Raven, "CLEAR!" she zapped her again, Raven woke up.

"No…" she said, "I'm not related to them vocally… no. This isn't happening. This is wrong… so very wong… Daria and Mandy should be there… or at least smart people!"

"YAY!" Bubbles said happily, "We have a new sister!" she hugged Raven, Raven started twitching.

"I am not your sister… Get away from me… very far away from me"

"I'm Timmy also known as," his costume magically appeared on him, "Cleft… the boy chin wonder!"

"Hey!" Robin said, "He's just a cheap rip off of me!"

"Well duh! My show makes cheap rip offs pf everything! It's what we do!"

"Mine!" Dill crawled to Raven and started pulling on her cape. While Kitten and Mark's warrior princess alien fiancé (you know, the scary girl who he's hiding from) were talking about violent ways to deal with boys who dump you. Then they both grinned evilly at Robin.

"No…" Raven said, "no… I am not vocally related to these people… no… no… no…" she turned to Slade, "what the hell did I ever do to you?"

"Although I do respect your intelligence, Jericho is quite smitten with you and what was the name of that episode where you beat the living scheiße out of me?"

"Oh yeah…" Raven laughed nervously

"Raven!" Bubbles hugged Raven again, "You can be our new power puff sister and help us fight mojo! But you need a new happy power puff name! Raven is a sad name!"

"Eh…?" Raven started twitching again. The audience burst out in laughter.

"HEY!" Beast Boy said, "You three are evil! Beating up poor mojo jojo like that! His species happens to be endangered you animal abusers!" Bubbles started to cry.

"That green boy was mean to me! WAH!"

"No little girl… um… I'm sorry?"

"Fay come back from potty! Now eat Robin!" she said happily while taking her seat right next to Robin, and took out a fork.

"Do not use a worthless fork…" moo said, "but an all powerful cheap plastic…" drum roll, "spork!" holds up a spork, "I have millions of them… MUHAHA!"

"Get away from me!" Robin told both of them, "SLADE!"

"Ugh…" Slade said, "I'm trying to enjoy Raven's suffering, go bitch to somebody else for once in your life!"

"The audience wants to eat me! And if they eat me you can't kill me yourself."

Slade began to cringe, "I don't give! Shutup and go bitch to somebody else! No wonder Batman dumped you on the teen titans as soon as he could!"

"Do as the man says or you shall be forced to eat the pudding of sadness…" KGdiva held up a bowl of it, Robin shutup, "go to commercials or I shall feed the pudding of sadness to you all…"

* * *

.

_Continued…_

Robin: "I'm not a raciest! Are you accusing me of something?"

Cyborg: "Wait a sec…" Cyborg read the box, "WTF? Purple is my color? And it's heart shaped? THIS AINT RIGHT!"

Raven: "So they were too cheap to get another color of food coloring for me. I knew Robin was a sexist."

Robin: "I am not!"

Starfire: (gasp) "You find women inferior?"

Robin: "No I don't! The jerks that made the ice pops are sexists!"

Raven: "Then why are you protective of Starfire and me?"

Robin: "We're all protective of everybody!"

Beast Boy: "You do kinda help them more than us…"

Starfire: "So now we are seen as weak!" (Prepares to shoot a starbolt)

Robin: "No! Everyone is equal-"

Raven: "But some are more equal than others…"

Robin: (glares) "We're all equal. People of America… and wherever else this is being broadcast, do not but these evil ice pops!"

Raven: "But some are more equal than others…"

Robin: "Cut that out!"

Raven: "But some are more equal than others…"

Slade: "It wasn't like they gave me a flavor either!"

* * *

Starfire, Raven, Bumblebee, Jynx, Blackfire, Terra, and any other teenage girl that's appeared on Teen Titans are at a convention or something. Meanwhile Beast Boy and Robin are hiding behind the fence, B.B takes out a bottle of AXE, grins evilly, puts it on and gives it to Robin, who does the same and then they hop the fence.

Beast Boy: "Hello ladies" no response

Robin: "We have AXE on!"

Raven: "You're point being?"

Robin: "You're supposed to jump us and try and make out with us!"

Jynx: "You?"

Beast Boy: "Yeah! It makes us dead sexy!" grins evilly

Starfire: "Friends, you appear exactly the same."

All of the girls start to walk away. Beast Boy and Robin are now alone

Cyborg: "Did it work?"

Robin: "Does it look like it worked?" glares "I want my money back!" throws can on the floor. All of the girls run back, and get into a huge fight over who gets the can, Cyborg bursts out laughing.

Beast Boy: "This is so not funny."

* * *

Raven was running away from all of her voice siblings, who wanted to hug her, then she flew out the window, this didn't make them stop. Meanwhile TheSkeet, worthlessdeath, Blue Wallpaper, StickLad, BBfan4evah and moo had formed a little circle in the back of the audience and were coming up with a plan on how to catch Robin.

"This is called shoplifting, we take a potato sack-" TheSkeet was cut off by BBfan4evah.

"Are there any potatoes in it?"

"No!" worthlessdeath said, "I want him to starve!"

"We take the potato sack," TheSkeet went back to the plan, "then we quietly-"

"Stop," Blue Wallpaper said, "bird boy is eavesdropping."

"DIE EAVESDROPPER!" StickLad yelled and then threw a wireless game controller at Robin's head.

"Hey!" Robin said, "That really hurt! What's your problem?"

"It starts with an R has a B in the middle and ends with an N."

"Enough!" Slade said, "That's all we have for this week's episode of The Slade Show! All of you get out of here. LEAVE! We have a really tight budget and can't afford to keep all of your lazy arses in here!"

A/N: Thank you very much for all of your reviews, but WHERE THE HECK ARE THEY ALL COMING FROM? For those of you who have been asking, I get all of my comicbook blackmail info from **titanstower . com / meeting . html** (shivers) oh dear Lord those pictures of Starfire scare me…

Now for the proppies!

**worthlessdeath**

**WeaselChick**

**BBfan4evah**

**KGdiva**

**TheSkeet**

**StickLad**

**Phantom Moon**

**RavenKicksAss**

**Flames of the Sun**

**ArcherofDarkness and Callie**

**disappearer/Syani - **the first Ravager was Slade's oldest son, the fourth Ravager was Jericho's little sister, it's a very long story.

**ShadeShine**

**TK FoX**

**Blue Wallpaper**

**Wave Maker**

**Bunnysquirrel**

**FirefliesWish**

**Inutitant12**

**Carolyn Carissa Sydnie - **when I say romance ruins comedy, I mean in general, and do I dislike all of the titans except for Raven? I **love** all of the titans except for Robin and Terra! Silkie and Slade are my heroes! I make fun of everyone because I like them and it's pretty easy too.

**NightRobin**

**OveractiveMind**

**kkori**

**jejuneepitaph**

**Saint H**

**KittyHelsing **

A/N: Next chapter will be up as soon as I write it.


	13. The Day Everyone Died

A/N: Sorry for the long update, very bad combination of summer reading and writers' block. I made the chapter longer than usual to make up for it. Everyone who wants to know, I don't like Robin because he takes himself too seriously… actually that makes him very easy to be made fun of so I guess he's not half bad.

* * *

"Hello and welcome to…" Slade said.

"The Slade Show!" the audience said and cheered.

"I have good news and bad news, good news is, MY SENTENCE IS OVER!" the audience cheered seeing Starfire sitting in the audience, "bad news is… my restraining order on Robin expired," the audience started laughing at Slade, causing him to start to strangle them using the dark side, "STILL WANNA LAUGH?" he let them live, they all shutup, during this moment the angry mob snuck up on Robin and they all threw a potato sack on him.

"YES!" StickLad said holding up the kicking and screaming sack, "We shoplifted Robin!"

"Congratulations, what do you plan on doing to the boy?"

"He is going into Mr. Squeaky's digestive tract." Overactive Mind said.

"No!" Fay said, "He is going into Fay's digestie tract belly!"

"Mr. Squeaky!"

"Fay!"

"Mr. Squeaky!"

"Fay!"

"We're going to starve him" worthlessdeath said

"I thought we were going to auction him on the internet" TheSkeet said

"That's cool as long as nobody feeds him."

"No, we're going to hold him hostage for five hundred pounds of starburst!" BBfan4eva said.

"Not until after we've left him with a five year old girl who thinks she's Starfire and wants to marry him" Blue Wallpaper said

"Only if she's the highest bidder when we auction him on e-bay!" TheSkeet said.

"No way!" worthlessdeath said, "She'll feed him!" Other members of the mob continued to shout out random methods of torture, eventually leading to your basic fight, huge puff of smoke, limbs and stars flying everywhere. Robin was left on the stage in the potato sack. Slade picked up the bag,

"Does anybody want this?" Slade asked the audience.

"Should we get Robin?" B.B asked Cyborg.

"I'm not carrying that home." Cyborg said, Starfire gasped.

"I am shocked!" she said, "Robin is our friend and you do not wish to rescue him from the bag of potatoes because you do not wish to carry it?"

"So," B.B and Cyborg said, "your point being?"

"Raven, do you not find this shocking?" Raven looked up from her copy of Animal Farm and said,

"Nope" the she continued reading, only to be interrupted by Beast Boy. He looked at the title,

"Cool!" he said, "An animal book! I never thought you'd actually be reading a fun book."

"Yes, nothing says fun like the personification of animals to epitomize the corruption of the Russian communist government."

"Why can't you say it in English?"

"I am shocked at all of you," Starfire said, "our friend is in trouble and you show little to no concern!" then she went onto the stage, "I shall take Robin."

"Ok," Slade said, "but remember, he hates bright light, sunlight will kill him, never get him wet, make sure never to give him a bath and whatever you do, no matter how much he begs, no matter how much he cries, never ever feed him after midnight. Promise to listen to the rules and you can have the boy blunder back."

"But Robin enjoys the sunshine"

"I think you mean the little birds, the contents of this sack are killed by sunlight."

"I do not mean the birds, I mean Robin! Give me the bag!"

"You didn't promise to follow the rules, now I won't let you have him."

"You shall give Robin to us and apologize to him for keeping him in that bag."

"No! I'm not saying sorry!"

"Yes you will!"

"No I won't, I happen to like this sack and plan to use it to hold various sharp painful objects."

"I shall no longer try to reason with you!" she shot some starbolts at Slade, knocking him down, Slade got back up and fought back. Now they had their own puff of fight smoke.

"Cyborg," Beast Boy said, "Think we should do anything about them?"

"No way! This is better than pay per view!" Cyborg said on the edge of his seat.

* * *

Raven walks into the main room wearing normal black converse high tops.

Starfire: "I admire your footwear greatly! Please, what brand are they?"

Raven: "Converse."

**_One week later… _**

Starfire is wearing pink converse (shiver) scary ones Hillary Duff wore… th3 3v1l…, Robin is wearing red ones, Beast Boy has green ones and Cyborg is wearing white ones.

Raven: (walks in the room, stops short and looks at their shoes) "Thanks. Now I need new shoes and I really liked these." (walks away)

Beast Boy: "What's her deal?"

A movie by Raven, inspired by converse

* * *

The teen titans are all sitting at a really long table at an Oktoberfest party with every other teenager who's been in the show, good or bad. Everyone has lederhosen or some other form of traditional German clothing over their uniforms. Their arms are all locked, everyone has a huge beer stein, and they're singing a drinking song

All: "_In München steht ein Hofbräuhaus, Eins, zwei, g'suffa! Da läuft so manches Fäßchen aus, Eins, zwei, g'suffa! Da hat so manche braver Mann, Eins, zwei, g'suffa!"_ (they all take a sip and then spit it out, the music stops) "This isn't beer it's water!"

Slade: "Haha! You're under the legal drinking age and I'm not! So you have to drink Aquafina while I get the real stuff!" (takes a sip) "mmmm bier…" (starts chugging the really really really big stein)

Teenagers: (give Slade the evil eye)

* * *

Trigon: "Raven, I've arranged for you to marry Ganondorf."

Raven: "And you have the right to marry me off to a fugly non-existent video game boss, who's had his arse kicked by kids all over the country because?"

Trigon: "Because you are my daughter!"

Raven: "Sure I'm your daughter?"

Trigon: "What's that supposed to mean!"

Raven: "You weren't mom's only boyfriend during that spring of '88."

Trigon: "I AM YOUR FATHER!"

Raven: "I've seen many pictures of her and this good-looking guy in Azarath."

Trigon: "I AM YOUR FATHER!"

Raven: "And I'm the queen of Denmark."

* * *

Slade: "Jericho, I raised you. Why must you join the side of good?"

Jericho: (subtitles under sign language) _"I dunno, maybe because you ALMOST GOT ME KILLED!"_

Slade: "I saved your life, you little ingrate!"

Jericho: _"Yeah, but now I'm mute! You knew I had dreams of becoming a singer!"_

Slade: "And I have dreams of Robin's death, yet he lives. See you're not the only one with problems!"

Jericho: (gives him the finger)

Slade: "You rotten little--!"

* * *

Starfire and Blackfire are beating each other up and cursing at each other in Tamarainen

* * *

Robin: (on phone) "Hey Batman, its Robin-"

Batman: (on phone) "How much do you want this time?"

Robin: "How come every time I call you, you think I'm asking for money?"

Batman: "Because every time you call me, you want money."

Robin: "Well maybe I'm calling just to say hi and see how things are going."

Batman: "Ok, why are you calling?"

Robin: "Um… can I borrow a few thousand we kinda maimed a building."

Batman: "…"

* * *

Beast Boy: "Having family problems?"

Raven: "No, we're the perfect 1950's family. Isn't that right Daddy dear?"

Trigon: (glares at her)

Beast Boy: "Then come to Dr. Beast Boy, licensed psychiatrist!"

All: "What the? _Licensed?_"

* * *

All of the teen titans are at a party

B.B: "I love you Terra!" (Starts making out with Terra in her rock formation)

Cyborg: "Liver… evil… MUST PUNISH!" (Starts chugging a keg)

Starfire: "He is mine!" (Punches out B.B, then starts talking to Terra) "Robin, when you ask me out! Me wait no more!"

Terra: "…"

Starfire: "Robin no like Starfire! Then Starfire go Tamaran and be Chewbacca girlfriend!" (Storms off)

Robin: (running around in an oversized Batman costume) "Nananananananana BATMAN! Nananananana BATMAN! BATMA-" (trips on cape and falls down the stairs)

Speedy: "Fido get back on your leash! Bad dog!" (Runs after Robin)

Aqualad: (eating a ton of sushi) "This stuff awesome!"

(A/N: I didn't get the best grades when I took Spanish and they're high so if the grammar is ridiculously bad or something's spelled wrong, you know why.)

Menos: "Mis panatalones estan en fuego!"

Mas: "Vengo a la esquela in un taco con queso con Estrallafuego con autobus con pescado con hombre de muffin con llama con mesa con-" (goes on and on and on)

Bumblebee: (answers phone)

Telemarketer: "Would you be interested in purchasing-"

Bumblebee: "UP YOURS SLADE! You always killin Cy's parties!" (makes several attempts to slam the phone down, gives up, then goes to the bathroom to vomit)

Raven: "Don't drink, don't so drugs." (B.B crashes Robin's moped into the wall) "I cannot stress this enough."

Robin: (zombie like) "I think unicorns are cool, I have an irrational fear of muffins, I cried for a week after Batman forced me into the teen titans-"

Raven: "And please don't inject your friends with truth serum and tell them its speed," (pushes Robin away) "there's a very fine line between funny and pathetic."

Robin: (still zombie like) "I still watch Power Rangers, I'm in denial about my crush on Starfire, The Spice Girls are my favorite band, muffins scare me-"

Raven: "Don't do drugs and don't drink because if you're the one who stays sober, you're the one who gets to make fun of them the next day."

* * *

B.B: "They made Teen Titan action figures! You hafta buy them! See you can take B.B and buy like 50 Terras and Ravens and Starfires and make them beat each other up for me!" (holds up action figures)

* * *

Slade's fight with Starfire has ended; Starfire is now in a potato sack next to the one Robin is in and Slade's mask has a few dents, other than that he's fine. The angry mob has taken it outside. "Anybody want either of them?" Slade held up the kicking and screaming bags.

"ME!" Merry and Pippin both screamed. Then they ran onto the stage, each took one bag and went back to their seats.

"Man are these potatoes gonna taste good!" Merry said.

"Mmmm… potatoes!" Pippin hugged his sack, (he had Robin), "hey! This doesn't feel like potatoes!"

"I'm not potatoes you idiots!" Robin said from the bag

"It can talk, and it's not potatoes so..." Merry said.

"IT MUST BE ONE BIG GIANT TALKING POTATO!"

"AWESOME!"

"We are not things you can eat!" Starfire said, "Please let us out."

"Should we bake them or boil them?" Pippin asked.

"Both!" Merry said, "I'll start washing mine, you can peel yours!" they both held the sacks upside down and opened them, Robin and Starfire fell out.

"HEY! YOU AREN'T POTATOES!"

"No scheiße!" Robin said, then, as he started to walk away, Pippin grabbed his cape, Merry grabbed Starfire's arm.

"It wasn't very nice of you to trick us, now you are going to sit here until you turn into potatoes." Merry nodded in agreement.

"But we are incapable of turning into vegetables suitable for consumption." Starfire said.

"Then you're gonna be sitting here a very long time." Merry said. Robin and Starfire both sat down.

"This is ridiculous," Robin said, "let us go and we'll buy you some potatoes."

"We can steal potatoes anytime we want from Farmer Maggot, we want you to turn into potatoes because you tricked us and that is not very nice." Robin and Starfire narrowed their eyes, then they both broke away from Merry and Pippin and went back to their seats.

"Fine!" Pippin said, "Go ahead and leave, **_JUST LIKE MY FATHER!_**"

"Pippin your father never left."

"Yes he did! He went to the store… but then he came back, with candy! Maybe they're going to bring us candy!"

"Bring us candy!" Merry shouted to Robin and Starfire. The angry mob walked back in.

"We've decided what we're going to do to Robin." IwuvMyKenshyPoo said

"First he'll be deprived of food." worthlessdeath said.

"Then sleep." ipcryss said

"Then we will force him to spend time with a psychotic little girl who's in love with him," Blue Wallpaper said.

"This includes the watching of Barbie movies, playing house and other annoying things little girls do," Wise Sage 33 said

"He will be forced to attend a My Little Pony convention." Gildholden Eledolin said

"Afterwards he'll be auctioned on e-bay, then Fay and Overactive Mind will kidnap him, half will go to Fay the other half to-" The Skeet was cut off

"Mr. Squeaky!" Overactive Mind said

"Hey where's the potato sack?" nyanna said. Robin smiled and waved to the mob.

"Next time," Robin said, "don't leave me on the stage for Slade to get rid of. See ya!" he ran to the window, jumped out of it and ran away. The angry mob quickly followed. Then a security guard walked over to Slade and whispered something to him.

"**_WHAT?_**" Slade yelled, "THEY CAN'T CANCEL ME!" he killed the guard using the dark side of the force, "he's a lying knave."

A/N: Sorry guys, good things never end, they get canceled or they get really long and start to suck. Unlike the Simpsons, this is no exception. I finish every fic I put on so I've decided to end this one while it rocks. I never thought this would end up getting as long as it is.

"BITCH!"

A/N: However, I find it immoral and wrong to cancel a show before they've done at least one musical. Time for the floor show!

"What the? I am not going to sing and dance!" everybody except Raven ran onto the stage, even Robin and the angry mob had come back (members of the mob who didn't want to sing are sitting in the audience, whoever you are), some music started playing, "No! I will not have any of this on my show!"

"You're no fun!" B.B said, then his voice got really low and deep, "On the twenty third day of the month of September in an early year of a decade, not too long before our own, the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence, and this terrifying enemy surfaced as such enemies often do in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places."

"Hmm… deadly threat its very existence," pause, "maybe I could allow one song." Then all of a sudden the Little Shop of Horrors music changed and everyone except Raven and Slade started to sing,

_"The hills are alive, with the sound of music, with songs they-" _

"No! STOP IT NOW!" Slade said over the singing, the credits began to roll.

**Credits…**

"No! Stop singing now! STOP THE CREDITS YOU CANNOT CANCEL THIS!" the singing continued, "The Sith may end up sacrificing himself but in the end he wins."

**Host: Slade Wilson **

"What the?" everyone stopped singing and asked.

**Bootleg replacement hosts: Raven, Starfire, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Robin**

"It's time for my mini Ragnarök," he received puzzled looks from everyone except Raven. Raven put a force field around her as she read and ignored the rest of what was going on, "you know, the twilight of the gods," more puzzled looks.

**All of the kick arse people who ever reviewed (including the few people who flamed because I'm in a good mood):**

**Coshi, PMV, PsychoMindGames, Phoenix Skyborne, basketcase 101, Judge Titan, kire, slyfan123, sillymail, Kissa123, Megzwillrule4evr, chitoryu12, worthlessdeath, Tenshi No Koori, Window Girl, Saint H, jejuneepitaph, Slade 2.0, kyo-kitty, LostChickenGothicWednesday723, random reader, Will-the-Titan, birdtears, moo, Factious Fay, star wars rocks, TheSkeet, Napoleon Dynamite clone, Alsoknownas, triva, bluefirestar, Terra, WeaselChick, ivorypanther, Sarah, Cartified Teen Titan, disappearer/Syani, NumbuhZero, switchfoot13, gothchic, blackcat49, bunnysquirrel, Mystyre, Flames of the Sun, Turtle Sister, nala456, vampiremage, Overactive Mind, Shadowofazarath, BananaBoots, Aznka, Wave Maker, Blue Wallpaper, BBfan4evah, Satsuna Mudo, Lunakimono, StickLad, Kikyz, KittyHelsing, LadyDevimon13, Shadow Evenstar, Phantom Moon, i dunno, pop66, Carolyn Carissa Sydnie, Kkori, KGdiva, WeLcOmE2pArAdIsE, NightRobin, RavenKicksAss, ArcherofDarkness and Callie, nv, Asteral 121, TK FoX, PhantomWriter92, me, XxTTfanxX, A Vegan in a Trench Coat, ShadeShine, FirefliesWish, Inutitant12, ipcryss, Dozer, Gildholen Eledolin, Jiruba, Atemu's Lover, nyanna, Wise Sage 33 ((I'm very sorry if I missed your name, I checked over this thing four times)) **

"The Viking's version of Armageddon," more puzzled looks, Slade sighed then he glared at them, "What happens when everyone dies!"

"Oh," it took a moment to sink in, "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone ran around screaming their heads off.

**To whoever put this fic in "Teen Titan Lover": Thy mother was a hamster and thy father smelt of elderberries! Thought I forgot about you? NO I DID NOT! Your charter reads "I luv teen titans Romance stories only" THIS IS NOT ROMANTIC! It makes fun of romance and no it is not a romantic comedy or a comic romance! I could never write romance, I'd end up shooting myself during the process. May drunken ducks attack your dwelling!**((XxTTfanxX this was not meant for you, I don't mind your C2 group, it's kinda cool))

"Music to my ears," Slade said, "And you can't cancel the show if I do it first!" he pushed the self destruct button.

**And because in most movies based on books, they list the entire cast before the author, this was cheaply written by: the lone psychopath**

The studio collapsed and everyone died. The End.

"Kids," Raven said as she took away the force field that kept her alive, "if you thought that this show had no point no moral and served no purpose what so ever, you're right," Raven looked at the mess, "I'm not paying for this and no way am I cleaning this up," she pushed a button and some huge rocks fell on her. Now Raven was dead like everyone else. That was what happened the day everyone died. The End.

A/N: … it's over that means you can leave now. Next fic I'm putting up is my spoof on The Phantom of the Opera starring Terra the rock! It's over… time to leave. The End.. again.


End file.
